Monday, January 23, 2006


While I hoped to give you an update today, I have no news because I was unable to touch base with our agency representative today.

Another of the frustrations Kevin and I have had to deal with regularly is being avoided. In other words, people forget to call us back or the messages get lost. Inexcusable excuses for a business, I think.

So no new news today.

When I started this blog, it was to keep family informed of updates and progress on bringing Isabella home, but it's grown to something much more. Being on the web, anyone who searches for adoption blogs can access our page and read about our journey, and I've heard from several people from across the U.S. who have thanked us for writing this page. So I've decided to add some thoughts I was keeping private, but I think my writing publicly about them will help others on this journey appreciate and think about some things Kevin and I have struggled with.

Nightmares... The past few weeks I have had horrible nightmares about our adoption. While so vivid I can actually remember the spoken words, the dreams are my way of dealing with a situation I have less and less control of. A controlling personality to begin with, I have had some difficulty giving up the control over something so important and precious to us -- Isabella.

So I'm quickly learning that subconsciously I want and need to control the situation but can't. So I am working it out in my dreams. In fact, I am dreaming so vividly that I can recite word for word what I'd like to tell our agency about the delays and how heartbreaking they have been.

For others who are working through an adoption, if you are dreaming terrible things, things you know you personally will never do, know that it's your minds way of dealing with a hard situation. Know that you are a good person who is dealing with a distressing wait and dreams are helping you through.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Jen & Kevin,
You are both so brave. Having a baby is such a scary process no matter what avenue you take to get there! It is so hard to relinguish the control that you want to have so badly over this situation. It is so easy to say that you should just hand it all over to God. It is so much harder to actually hand it over! But we all know that HE IS in control of this situation and that he has a plan for you, Kevin, and Isabella. We love you guys and are praying for you every day!!!
Love, Chelsea, Rick, and Nicholas